The Two Crosses --A Story

A Story of a Cross That Came Back to Me: The God Who Would Never Let Go
It is said that objects often absorb and carry the aura of the place that they are placed in, as well as the aura of the person who holds them. As occult and superstitious in origins as it sounds, it is by far something close to my heart when I remember the 2 crosses I carried throughout my lifetime: the cross that I took down from the nail hanging inside my third place of residence in Calgary, when I had a possibly demonized female roommate with multiple personalities disorder, and the cross that I bought from a friend in Calgary when he was getting ready to wound up his jewelry shop and to move out of Canada for other pastures. The cross necklace that I carried with me when I moved through Calgary during my 1st and 2nd years, as I handled my candidacy examinations, my challenges in interpersonal relationships with friends who did not turn out to be the good people that I thought they were, and as I moved to Toronto during my 3rd year at the beginning, facing a series of challenges which led me to decide to go back to Singapore for a short while….this cross was one which I threw away because it was too steeped in memories of a past which had hurt me, and which I still felt hurt by…….the cross which I bought from a friend during the end of my PhD studies in Calgary, as I readied myself to defend myself at the oral defence examination for the dissertation was a different cross, a Byzantine cross with the twofold parallel bars(horizontal) and a diagonally intersecting one at the bottom. Its chain snapped because I left it inside my pencil case and did not untangle the knots—the same way that I did not untangle the many knots that besotted my heart during those years with the first cross. I had no choice but to get a new string—a plain unattractive black string and then tie it together with a big ugly knot to keep the cross pendant in place.
Like the two crosses that I wore, there is only one thing that comes across in all these: God gives us His cross over and over again to bear. The more we escape and throw it away, the more it will come back later to haunt us. It comes in another more haunting form, more beautiful, more siren-like, plotting the melody and rhythms of our lives as it cross-crosses with the pains, joys, hopes, disappointments, and scars and healings that we come to face. But at the end of the day, only one thing is that clear. God does give us His cross over and over again as an assurance of His will and love for us.

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